


I'm Afraid of Time

by rikotan



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:26:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1883460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikotan/pseuds/rikotan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As time passes, Yuto reflects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Afraid of Time

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: these are based on half headcanons, half actual events. it's up to you how you want to perceive it.

I'm afraid of time.

Because it changes things, however it brings people into my life _(as much as I might not like it)_.

"Do you want to go home together?" I remember how I felt when these words came out of my lips. Both of us were still young, innocent, untainted from the entertainment world _(him more than me anyway)_. His smile was so bright that it made me smile equally bright as he nodded his head.

That was the first time we went home together, not knowing of the other times that would come.

Not knowing what will happen as we grow.

Therefore, I'm afraid of time.

* * *

 "Oh no. If I was a girl, I would've fallen for Yama-chan." I hear myself giggle while speaking into the camcorder as I stood at the side, watching you film your part of the PV. You gave me an embarrass laugh. "It's more embarrassing when you're standing there." I didn't move anyway, helping the staffs while I continue to stand there. _'To annoy Yama-chan,'_ was what I thought.

However my heart made a leap whenever you turn your attention to the camera and became the young professional we were trained to be. _'What was that'_.

It was the uncertainty the future holds that makes me scared. I'm afraid of time, because it brings the uncertainty closer.  
I might not be that brave to face it.

I didn't know what came over me at that time. There were only both of us on that empty streets _(now that I think of it, it shouldn't be empty at that hour)_. Somehow, I managed to smash our lips together clumsily, though I remember pulling away quickly when my senses kicked in.

You looked shocked, but not at all were you disgusted. Your fingers came up to your lips, lingering there a little before you embraced me.

"... Yama-chan?"

"I ... I like Yuto-kun too,"

Maybe time wasn't a bad thing for it brought me here.

However I'm afraid of time. Uncertainty of our future was still there since we were juniors. Therefore I am afraid.

* * *

"Takasugi!"

We were now in the same group, properly debuted. We were now starring in this drama, together _(With Chinen and Daiki too of course)_. We had three PVs under this new name.

All these haven’t really registered in my mind. I continue to act, as the lines of our script flows out. You look all smug in front of me. It would've annoyed me; however it was kind of an endearing expression to me.

I wonder why; maybe it because we were together. We had fleeting kisses that were innocent and short between takes. Secret glances exchanged without a soul knowing.

It was a bubbly feeling, I remember.

I'm afraid of time. It moves too fast, without us knowing.

* * *

Not knowing when, the chubbiness in your cheeks suddenly disappears, even though you still say you're chubby. "Sorry Yuto-kun. I have NYC activities now." With that you left me with the other members in the dressing room while you run after Chinen.

"Your eye bags are getting worst," that was what I meant to say, however I never got the chance.

I wonder if it was my fault that we became that way. We drifted apart, like as if our peaceful island for two was on a fault line, and day by day, the fault line extends. And our island became two separated ones.

From the corner of my eyes, I see you chattering happily with Chinen and Daiki. 'Wasn't I part of that?' Keito patted me on my shoulder, and I was grateful for him breaking me thoughts.

Our late night calls got lesser, and reduced to me waiting for any form of communication with you, staring blankly at my phone. I remember Raiya being frighten at how lifeless I looked. The day before rumors of you dating Mariya floated all around.

Was I that easy to forget?

I'm afraid of time, as it brings people away.

* * *

"Stop fighting. You'd chip your swords." From a little further away, I hear you rattling at Ryutaro and Daiki who were fighting with their props. They continued to fight after a little while. Maybe it was reflexes, but I used the end of my sword to poke Ryutaro at the side.

He just looked at me with a skeptical look, but stopped anyway. Was it just me or did I see you grin a little?

"This part's good," I smiled while touching a piece of your hair. You leaned in a little. Hikaru had came in and interrupted. However I didn't mind.

It was a start in communicating with you again.

I'm afraid of time. It brings uneasiness to me.

After that, our relationship seems to improve a lot. I would sneak a pat on your shoulder on a TV show, or maybe give a few glance and comments while on Shokura.

Time wasn't a bad thing. It healed up the injuries that were sustained on our relationship.

Of course not everything was as simple as back then.

I am afraid of time. Would time take away what's precious from me again?

* * *

I was frantic. The building was shaking so hard. "NO, WHERE'S YAMA-CHAN?" You had a filming of Music Station with NYC. We promised to meet after that, so I was waiting at the backstage.

Staffs quickly pulled me out into the open, ignoring my shouts, resisting my struggles. I remember breaking out of their grip when you came in sight. I remember running up and embracing you tightly.

My heart was pounding so hard against my ribs. My cheeks were wet from all the tears I shed out of frustration and worry. However you were in my arms, safe.

Time did not take you away.

I'm afraid of time. But it made me realise how much you meant to me. It wasn't pure infatuation.

Time made me realise what was love.

* * *

Maybe it was after that earthquake. It was probably the reason that we got together again. Maybe, just maybe. Like me, you realised that I was important to you.

The change was probably drastic. You ignored the company about publicising NYC with constant fanservice with Chinen. You started to act on your own. "I like Yuto-kun," that wasn't what was planned for SUMMARY, but you said it anyway in front of all the audience.

From the backstage, I see Chinen and Keito smirking vaguely, while a tint of pink decorated your cheeks. The fans might take it as fanservice or a statement to just annoy both Chinen and Keito, but I know it's something more.

It didn't help the company that Nojima-sensei scouted for both of us for a winter drama.

"Does it matter? There's more time for both of us." You whispered softly against my lips, and I felt them curling up into a smile.  
For once, I wanted time to stop, to savor our moment. I wanted time to stop, to etch this happiness into my mind.

I'm afraid of time, because I'm afraid to forget.

* * *

"Are both of you together?" A part of my act cracked, I tried not to grin into Suzuki-san's face. I felt you holding my hands tighter as you say, "We are friends."

Not only did we get a drama, but roles that are actually on the same side. Not to mention the subtle humorous boy-love episode, as fans call it.

The few months on the set was probably the best that I've felt for a long time, minus the filming of our PV. Irie had laughed so hard after watching the making of our PV since it was the theme song for the drama.

"Right, Yuto. It's a good thing Yamada pushed you away before you ravage him in front of the camera." The rest of the cast laughed, softly, as Yamada stirred a little from his spot beside me, head rested comfortably on my shoulder.

"Shut it, Irie."

I'm afraid of time, for its fleeting. Moments of happiness goes pass so quickly.

* * *

Here you are, in my embrace, and I felt your arms tighten around my waist. "I'm glad we met," it was a simple sentence from you. You muttered it out against my collar bone, which made me shudder a little. "Even if time brought us apart for awhile?"

"Yes Yuto-kun. But time brought us back together too."

I buried my face in the soft locks of his hair, inhaling the soft scent of the shampoo he used.

He was right.

I'm Nakajima Yuto, who's afraid of time for it took my most precious person away, for it is uncertain, for it is unpredictable, for it makes me forget.

He is Yamada Ryosuke, who is my precious person, who came back to me with the help of time. It was he that made me realise, the time flowing out of our reach might not be scary after all.

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: a new style of writing. this is an old fic,imported from livejournal. for other fanfics, please proceed to [my fic comm](http://usagichigo.livejournal.com). i'm only putting fics that i think it's alright here. embarrassing stuffs written by me can be found at my [index](http://basashichigo.blogspot.com).


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